Loss of a Friend

Death is a hard thing, but it is even worse when it happens to someone in the prime of their life.  We lost my college roommate and one of my best friends after a battle with cancer, but feel blessed to have spent a great weekend of "girl time" with her.

I am reminded that laughter is the best medicine, and my sisters crack me up.... and sometimes there is nothing like talking to your daddy when you need a good cry... No matter how old you are.

I give thanks to the random number generator that gave me my roommate, Coop, and one of my best friends, 15 years ago. Words cannot express how much I'll miss her.

Here were my thoughts spoken at her memorial service:
With apologies to the Cooper family, we, her friends, know Kristen only as Cooper. So, I’m going to call her Coop, because that’s her name in our world.


Fifteen years ago this month a random number generator spit out a combination that gave me Kristen Alice Cooper as a roommate. I remember the first conversation like it was yesterday: I asked what she thought of matching comforters (she didn’t think much of them), and she asked me what I thought of blow-up flamingos (at that point, honestly, I wasn’t sure what to think). That freshman year started a journey for a group of women who were known as “the wall”, and became much, much more. We have laughed, played, danced, cried, mourned, grown and then laughed some more, and 15 years later after boyfriends, weddings, dogs, and children her best friends are at a loss mourning one of us in the prime of our lives.

Cooper lived her life with spirit, and there isn’t a boundary she wouldn’t cross. She would give me complete crap for making some sort of gooey speech that would be too somber and long winded. So, in the spirit of David Letterman’s Top 10 List (of which Cooper was a great fan), here are the Top 10 things you need to know about our very bestest friend:

Number 10: She read the paper every morning front to back. She was the only freshmen I knew that had a paper delivered to the dorm. Calvin and Hobbes was her favorite cartoon.

Number 9: What she lacked in singing ability she made up in enthusiasm. Cooper couldn’t carry a tune, but she sang with gusto and made up the words as she went along. Those words never matched the actual lyrics.

Number 8: She was a lover of cha-tski … the quirkier the better. A hand-made patriotic jumper, maracas painted to look like “Bahama mamas”, a little whizzer, hats for every occasion, and more flamingos than one person should own. These were her treasures; she kept them forever; and she loved to pull them out for random occasions.

Number 7: She loved her degree and her work. She spoke of it with passion and laughed at our nickname of double-oh-coop. Frankly, I think she mostly loved that she could rewire a blender to work off a car lighter so she could have margaritas for buffet concerts.

Number 6: She was known to wear pants that would be perfect should we have a sudden flood.

Number 5: She had a passion for the beach, and the ocean called to her. Cooper was never happier than on a beach or boat, beer in hand and buffet in the background.

Number 4: A video camera was known to be in Cooper’s hands at the most appropriate, or inappropriate times. A punch in the eye, an excellent rendition of “God Bless the USA”, and competitive Christmas present exchanges have become classic moments forever captured because of her filming.

Number 3: She wore panty hose with open toe shoes and couldn’t figure out why we gave her such a hard time for it.

Number 2: She loved her husband from the very first moment they met in the fall of our freshman year. Their love affair was private, but no less passionate, and they define the concept of soul-mates.

Number 1: She lived life out loud, without judgment for herself or others, without regrets and like the Gerber daisy, she enjoyed the simple things in life.
This is our list. Yours may be different, and that’s ok, or it may be the same, and that’s good too. Cooper is and always will be herself. She was quietly confident in her spirituality and her relationship with God. She now knows the secret that we all want to know of the life that awaits us after this one. We mourn not for her, who lived life to the fullest, but for ourselves who wished we had more time with her. I think that she would tell you this: pick yourself up, pull yourself a beer, and toast with her. So, Cooper, in the spirit of a toast that was one of our favorite, we say this: Here’s to you, and here’s to me, the best of friends we’ll ever be. Though you are not here for us to see, we’re ok, and here’s to thee.