Sigh. So, we've had school drama the past few weeks. Thornton was having a really, really hard time adjusting to going to school. Last year, at PMO, he cried every day that I dropped him off. Everyone assured me that he was fine after I left, so I was prepared for the crying this time. Our year got off to a sorta good start. He held it together the first week and made it the whole day (with some help from bear). Here's the message from his teacher (who is awesome, and we're totally in love):
- Thornton is doing fantastic! In fact, he has done so well that yesterday was the first day he cried in our classroom. I think this is because we have two friends who are very, very distraught – which distracts Thornton from engaging with the classroom materials. I remember you being worried that Thornton would have a very difficult adjustment, but he’s doing well. I understand he cries when he gets out of the car, but when he gets up to the classroom, he has stopped crying! I promise. He did cry during carpool yesterday, so it’s good to be at the very early end of carpool. It’s hard for the little ones to see their classmates leave before them – and to see so many mommies! We are downstairs at 11:40 each day.
So, good start. Then, the tears started in earnest. Thornton started getting picked up every school day (Tues/Thurs) around 10:30. Not good. I thought this was due to the 2 other children that are also crying and getting picked up. He's a pretty smart kid and is a hell of a minupilator, so it's not unreasonable to think that he may clue in on crying = pick me up. Nevertheless, he was highly distraught, and his wonderful teacher sends this message:
- I did mention to Jason and Nonna that I’d like to abbreviate Thornton’s day for a couple of weeks and gradually build up to the full day... I don’t think Thornton’s sadness is feeding off the others’ because they have come a long way. One made it through the whole day on Tuesday – not without tears – but with periods of engaging in the classroom (lovey in hand which is FINE). The other one is still leaving at 10:30 for a few more days, or maybe will leave at 11:00 next week, because she stops crying in the classroom within five minutes and doesn’t begin to cry again until right around 10:20ish. So she’s lengthening her day better too. It is not uncommon for Thornton to start the separation anxiety later than the first week. And he was sad on and off the first two weeks. But he held it together and the times of sadness were few and far between with periods of happily engaging. But then he realized just how long these days were and just how long he had to be without his loved ones. In speaking with Jason, it sounds like you guys are doing all the right things, talking school up while at home and talking about what a good time you will be having while he’s at school. That sounds harsh, but it frees him up to not feel guilty about being happy without you guys... Thanks for being so understanding! I don’t take calling parents to come get their children lightly. Laura and I will love on Thornton as we always do until he feels trusting of us, that we’ll nurture him in your absence, and then he’ll be able to engage more comfortably. I hope this helps!
Ok - not good my little man. So, then I get all anxious and start wondering if this is the right decision. I mean, seriously, the child is TWO-YEARS-OLD?!? Do we really need school 2 days a week if it's leading to anxt? He’s only 2, and we have tons of time for school. The idea was something fun to get him out of the house and social with others. So far, we're only batting 1 for 3. Big struggle here - Deciding if school was worth it, or if I was overreacting to a natural separation thing. My gut says he’s only 2 and if he isn’t ready, he isn’t ready. But, my head says this may all be typical 2 year old stuff and I may be getting sucked into a child-lead vortex of manipulation!
I was ready to turn in the towel last night, but it’s a new day today! We got a book on school and gave him a special kiss to take with him if he got lonely. We’ve been sending him to school with his bear, and he has been holding it close during school. Today, we had bear in hand before we even got out of the car. Also, we spent lots of time yesterday and this morning “talking up” all the fun things he’d do for the day. We also sent snack and had him help make it. Finally, we offered a special “surprise treat” if he had a great day at school. Shockingly, something worked... frankly, I think it was the special treat (bribery gets you everywhere). He made it all day. No saying what the next day will bring, but sounds like we may be on the right path. Now that he knows he'll get an oreo on school day, we have a sweeter incentive for going to school. Of course, he'll be in therapy for using food as a reward, but whatever. In further postitive news, his teacher sends this great message:
- Rockin’ good day for Thornton! I cannot promise that it will be tear-free from here on out…but what a boost for his confidence! Now he knows that he CAN make it the whole day and have fun while he’s at it. I’m just so thrilled. I told Jason to send a note on Tues with whoever is “on call”. We’ll be optimistic and plan for that person to come to carpool at 11:40, but that I’ll call earlier if Thornton needs that mommy/daddy fix sooner!
There's hope! I laugh at myself a bit because I’m the biggest proponent of “this too shall pass”, and then sometimes, I forget. But, this to shall pass, and I’m sure it will work out just fine. At any rate, I’ve decided that 2 is a completely fun stage. I laugh up at the things he’s thinking – when he starts talking about what he sees or thinks, my heart just melts.
Yesterday, putting him to bed, I’m talking about how proud I am that he stayed at school all day, how proud his teacher was, how much I loved him, what a good boy he is, etc. His response: Look, mommy, I have a cow (his cow flashlight in bed with him). I cracked up.
So, the drama in my mind is over. I think we’re on the right path, and if not, then we’ll choose another path.
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